Thoughts To Live By…

Archive for January 15th, 2009

Most men like women. But, most men like beer too! So, for men it becomes a rather confusing choice between women and beer! Following is a debate, developed by the University of Mumbai, in India to help you analyze which is better! Here is the debate:-

A Beer is always wet, a woman is not! 1 point for beer!

Beer is horrible, when it is hot! 1 point for women!

A cold beer satisfies you! 1 point for beer!

If you come back home smelling beer, your wife can get angry at you. If you come back home smelling women, your wife will get angry for sure and she might even not talk to you again! Draw! (Depends on your point of view)

10 beers in a night and then you can’t drive. 10 women in one night and you don’t have to drive anywhere! 1 point for women!

The older, the beer is – the better, it is! 1 point for beer!

Many beers can make you see UFO’s. Many women can make you see God! 1 point for women!

If you ask yourself how the next woman will be, you are normal. If you ask yourself how the next beer will be, you are an alcoholic! 1 point for women!

For a beer, you pay taxes! 1 point for women!

If you take a second beer, the first one doesn’t get angry! 1 point for beer!

You can always be sure that, you are the first one ‘Opening’ a beer! 1 point for beer!

If you shake a beer, after a while it calms down by itself! 1 point for beer!

You know exactly how much a beer costs! 1 point for beer!

A beer does not have a mother! 1 point for beer!

You can do it if you want, but beer won’t ask you to hug her for half an hour after! 1 point for beer!

So the final score is beer beats women – 9 to 6! If you are a woman reading this and getting angry, know that a beer would never get angry! So, another point for beer! Now the final score is Beer beats women – 10 to 6!

So drink beer, Cheers!!!!

It’s true getting old has its benefits

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
4. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 p.m.
9. You can live without sex (but not without glasses).
10. You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
11. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbours don’t even realize it.
13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
15. You sing along with the elevator music.
16. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.
19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

Gospel Reflection: Mt: 11:28

A man approaches a priest and asks: “Please bless me, Father, coz I have so many problems.

My son is a drug addict, my daughter an unwed mother, my wife a gambler.

Priest: Wala bang positive sa buhay mo? (Is there nothing positive about your life?)

Man: Me, Father… HIV positive!

* * *

Of course, that’s still negative. The funny story somehow illustrates how we are beset by a lot of problems.

Jesus in this 14th Sunday gospel invites us: “Come to me all who are weary and find life burdensome, and I will give you rest” (Mt 11:28).

Christ’s words are very timely and consoling, considering our problems today – the rising cost of living (and even cost of dying!), calamities like the recent typhoon “Frank,” holdups, personal and family problems.

* * *

Jesus comes to us as a friend who is “gracious and merciful, slow to anger and of great compassion” – a “bridge over troubled waters,” as the song puts it.

He teaches us to cultivate relinquishment, the ability to “let go” of our anxieties and to put ourselves in God’s hands.

* * *

But some cynic might say, “How can I put myself in God’s hands when my creditors are running after me over my two-million peso debt?” Or, should I not worry if I’m on the verge of losing my job due to retrenchment? Or, this lump on my neck is diagnosed as terminal cancer?

These should be causes for worry indeed. But we must distinguish between worry and concern. Worry is an emotional response that is stressful and draining. It is problem-oriented.

* * *

Concern, on the other hand, is a rational and constructive process – and it is solution-oriented. It’s the difference between fear unaccompanied by useful action and the determination to calmly look for a solution.

As regards unpaid debt, I know of some people who through sheer diligence, determination, and financial restraint were able to gradually pay their obligation.

* * *

As regards losing a job, it’s not the end of the road. You can always start again somewhere. As the saying goes, “Hope springs eternal.” As long as you’re alive, there’s hope.

When we put ourselves in God’s hands, it does not mean we’re escaping from personal responsibility. It is, as “concern” mean, solution-oriented.

Remember the metaphor Jesus uses in this Sunday gospel about the yoke? In Palestine two oxen are joined together in pulling heavy loads. The two oxen represent God and you sharing the burden.

* * *

It means God helps us but we have also to do our share. Ask yourself: When you have problems, do you present them to the Lord and ask for help? Or do you just keep them to yourself? Do you give in to self-pity and excessive worry, not doing anything to remedy your predicament?

* * *

Once a lady was talking about the secret of her success. She made this striking remark: “I work hard; I do my part then I let God do the rest.” Incidentally, that’s also the principle behind the success of our boxing champ Manny Pacquiao. Notice how he prays hard, kneeling at the ring’s corner before and after the fight. However, he also trains on long and dreary hours, always learning the winning techniques.

That should be our Christian attitude, too. As much as we pray so must we work. “Ora et labora.”

Author: Fr. Luis Beltran, SVD

What’s the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78?

At 8 – You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 – You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 – You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 – She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 – You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 – You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 – If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story.
At 78 – You can get out of bed, that’s another story.

Interesting Article: Six Strange Teachings of Evolution


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