Thoughts To Live By…

Archive for the ‘Lie’ Category

by

Hitler, one of history's biggest liars, takes the podium

According to myth, a young George Washington confessed to cutting down a cherry tree by proclaiming, “I cannot tell a lie.” The story is testament to how much respect Americans have for their cherished first president and honesty in general. Unfortunately, in the annals of history it seems there are 10 dishonest scoundrels for every honorable hero like Washington.

Supposedly, the truth can set you free. But for many, deceit holds the key to money, fame, revenge or power, and these prove all too tempting. In history, this has often resulted in elaborate hoaxes, perjuries, and forgeries that had enormous ripple effects.

In the following pages, we’ll go over some of the most colossal and significant lies in history. Although such a list can’t be comprehensive, we sought to include a variety of lies that influenced politics, science and even art. As a result of these, lives were lost, life-savings destroyed, legitimate research hampered and — most of all — faith in our fellow man shattered.

Without further ado, let’s delve into one of the oldest and most successful lies on record.

10. The Trojan Horse

If all is fair in love and ­war, this might be the most forgivable of the big lies. When the Trojan Paris absconded with Helen, wife of the Spartan king, war exploded. It had been raging for 10 long years when the Trojans believed they had finally overcome the Greeks. Little did they know, the Greeks had another trick up their sleeves.

In a stroke of genius, the Greeks built an enormous wooden horse with a hollow belly in which men could hide. After the Greeks convinced their foes that this structure was a peace offering, the Trojans happily accepted it and brought the horse within their fortified city. That night, as the Trojans slept, Greeks hidden inside snuck out the trap door. Then, they proceeded to slaughter and decisively defeat the Trojans.

This was unquestionably one of the biggest and most successful tricks known to history — that is, if it’s true. Homer mentions the occurrence in “The Iliad,” and Virgil extrapolates the story in “The Aeneid.” Evidence suggests that Troy itself existed, giving some validity to Homer’s tales, and scholars have long been investigating how historically accurate these details are. One theory behind the Trojan horse comes from historian Michael Wood, who proposes that it was merely a battering ram in the shape of a horse that infiltrated the city .

In any case, the story has won a permanent place in the Western imagination as a warning to beware of enemies bearing gifts.

9. Han van Meegeren’s Vermeer Forgeries

This lie re­sulted from a classic case of wanting to please the critics. Han van Meegeren was an artist who felt underappreciated and thought he could trick art experts into admitting his genius.

In the early 20th century, scholars were squabbling about whether the great Vermeer had painted a series of works depicting biblical scenes. Van Meegeren pounced on this opportunity and set to work carefully forging one such disputed work, “The Disciples at Emmaus.” With tireless attention to detail, he faked the cracks and aged hardness of a centuries-old painting. He intentionally played on the confirmation bias of critics who wanted to believe that Vermeer painted these scenes. It worked: Experts hailed the painting as authentic, and van Meegeren made out like a bandit producing and selling more fake Vermeers. Greed apparently overcame his desire for praise, as he decided not to out himself.

However, van Meegeren, who was working in the 1930s and ’40s, made one major mistake. He sold a painting to a prominent member of the Nazi party in Germany. After the war, Allies considered him a conspirator for selling a “national treasure” to the enemy . In a curious change of events, van Meegeren had to paint for his freedom. In order to help prove that the painting was no national treasure, he forged another in the presence of authorities.

He escaped with a light sentence of one year in prison, but van Meegeren died of a heart attack two months after his trial.

Advertisements

Author: Emma Sarran

Let me start by being completely, um, honest. Every once in a while, we ladies have been known to play a little fast and loose with the truth around you guys. Believe me, we do it with the purest of intentions (really!). And rather than try to change us, your best bet—for keeping your woman happy and your sanity intact—is to simply recognize what’s going on and be smooth about it. With that in mind, here are seven lies we commonly tell men, and how to handle them. Just trust me on this stuff, OK?

1. “Give me your completely honest opinion…”

Now would be a good time to fake a heart attack.

What we really mean: “Tell me what I want to hear.

What to do about it: I know, it’s confusing as hell. We say “seriously,” and “I really want the truth,” but the chances that we actually want the truth are about as good as the chances you want us to tell you that it’s OK, size really doesn’t matter. There are even times when women think we’re prepared for honesty and even then, when it comes out, it just plain sucks. So err on the side of safety (and of grateful-for-the-white-lie affection), and tell me…I’m hotter than that chick, this dress does not make my butt look big, my mom isn’t overbearing at all…and you’ll be golden.

2. “I’m fine. Really.”

Hint: if there are tissues involved, she’s probably not fine.

What we really mean: “I’m as far from fine as can be.”

What to do about it: No matter how much it may seem we want you to leave us alone with that simple statement, we don’t. The worst thing you can do in this situation is say, “OK, good,” and end the conversation. Instead, we want you to show some serious concern until we’re ready to actually voice what’s wrong. It’s all about making us feel like our happiness is a priority. Want some extra points? Throw in a line about how you’re not going anywhere until you’re sure everything is OK. We. Will. Swoon.

3. “I’ve slept with X number of guys.”

Way to go, buddy! You picked the perfect shade for that wall.

What we really mean: “I’ve slept with just a few more than X number of guys.”

What to do about it: Remember the “rule of three” made famous by American Pie? (Guys have slept with three fewer women than they say, and vice versa.) Well, the magic number may not always be three, but the idea is founded in truth.  The reason we omit a few escapades from our history is because we’re ever fearful of being seen as “easy”—and don’t they all say that easy girls don’t land the guys in the long run? Want the truth? Make us feel confident that your opinion of us doesn’t lie with our sexual history—and that no matter how many guys we’ve been with in the past, we’re still pure in your eyes. Simply reaffirming those things (and consistent acts of chivalry—flowers, romantic dates, time with our families and friends to show your interest outside of sex), will have us more inclined to be honest about our pasts, and to keep our bedroom doors open.

4. “Yeah, that was GREAT. I totally got off.”

“What is it, honey? I promise to work harder on my pecs!”

What we really mean: “That was good, but I didn’t get off and I probably won’t. Now I’m tired and ready to spoon.”

What to do about it: Don’t take it personally (well, unless this is a regular occurrence—then, you might want to try some new in-bed strategies). Sometimes, it just doesn’t happen for us—and that doesn’t mean the sex wasn’t good. Don’t badger us about what exactly was so “GREAT.” Simply accept our evaluation for the day and move on.

5. Oh my God, I LOVE sports!

Just in it for the buffalo wings, we’re guessing.

What we really mean: “I love putting on a cute jersey and tossing back red-headed sluts while my hometown team is winning.”

What to do about it: Just humor us. It’s fun to jump on the sports bandwagon—and yes, sometimes we might be trying to impress you and your Sunday-Funday-inclined friends by joining in on the debauchery. But, chances are if you ask me any details about stats or players (at least post the championship ’90s Chicago Bulls dream team—yes, I’m looking at you, BJ Armstrong), I’ll come up short. So, invite me to hang when you’re heading to your favorite sports bar every once in a while, and save the quizzes for your equally obsessed buds.

6. “Sure, go out and have a guys’ night!”

Her worst nightmare: you having fun without her.

What we really mean: “I’d really rather you hang out with me.”

What to do about it: It’s not that we don’t want you to have your own friends, or your own life. We just want it to fit conveniently into our own lives. Translation: please try to plan your guys’ nights to align with my girls’ nights—and prepare for me to call and text you to meet up once my girlfriends start taking shots and pairing off with the gropey guys on the dance floor. Another good time to hang out with your boys: when I’m out of town (though I’ll still secretly wish you were sitting in your apartment moping and waiting for my nightly phone call).

7. “I’ve never cheated on anyone.”

She’s not cheating. They’re just really good arm-wrestling buddies.

What we really mean: “I may have cheated on someone before, but I’m afraid that if tell you, you won’t think of me as sweet and relationship-worthy anymore.”

What to do about it: Let’s face it—throughout time, we women have been scarred by the idea of guys who just want to get us into their beds, but keep our toothbrushes as far from their places as possible. You “relationship” guys are few and far between, so sue us if we’re inclined to hold on tightly when we find one of you. And part of that may mean keeping mum on that one little slip-up we had after the sophomore year foam party. It’s possible that, if you sincerely assure us it won’t affect our current goings-on, we’ll tell you the truth—but don’t count on it. The fear of losing a could-be great love is one a lady doesn’t take lightly.

http://www.mademan.com/warning-7-lies-all-women-tell-men/

Melanie Lindner, 05.13.09, 04:40 PM EDT

Everyone stretches the truth a little. Here’s what to look for (and how not to get found out).

There are plenty of dangerously skilled liars–and not just the Bernie Madoffs and Jeffrey Skillings of the world. Indeed, under the right (or wrong) circumstances, we’re all guilty fibbers.

According to an oft-cited 1996 University of Virginia study led by psychologist Bella DePaulo, lying is part of the human condition. Over the course of one week, DePaulo and her colleagues asked 147 participants, aged 18 to 71, to record in a diary all of their social interactions and all of the lies they told during them. On average, each person lied just over 10 times, and only seven participants claimed to have been completely honest

To be fair, most of the time we’re just trying to be nice. (When your wife asks if you enjoyed the dinner she cooked, most husbands who know what’s good for them say, “It was delicious.”) Such “false positive” lies are delivered 10 to 20 times more often than spurious denials of culpability, according to DePaulo’s research. Other studies show that men and women lie with equal frequency, though women are more likely to lie to make other people feel good, while men tend to lie to make themselves look better. As for who we hoodwink, “we lie less frequently to our significant others because we’re more invested in those relationships,” says Jeffrey Hancock, associate professor of communication at Cornell University.

The question is: How to know when someone’s selling you swampland in Florida?

Traditional polygraph tests, around in some form or fashion since the early 1900s, use sensors to detect fluctuations in blood pressure, pulse, respiration and sweat in response to probing questions. Two problems with polygraphs: First, they only work about 80% of the time, according to the American Polygraph Association. Second, it’s not like we are going to carry all that hardware to a business meeting or a bar. And that means relying on our own very limited vigilance.

“Although there are some ways in which liars behave differently from truth-tellers, there are no perfectly reliable cues to deception,” admits DePaulo, author of more than a dozen deception studies. “Cues to deception differ according to factors such as the type of lie and the motivation for getting away with it.”

While there is no surefire on-the-spot way to sniff out dissemblers, there are some helpful tactics for uncovering untruths.

Liars often give short or one-word responses to questions, while truth tellers are more likely to flesh out their answers. According to a 2003 study by DePaulo, a liar provides fewer details and uses fewer words than an honest person, and talks for a smaller percentage of the conversation.

Skilled liars don’t break a sweat, but the rest of us get a little fidgety. Four possible giveaways: shifty eyes, higher vocal pitch, perspiration and heavier breathing. Of course, not everyone who doesn’t meet your gaze is a liar.

“Certain behavioral traits, like averting eye contact, could be cultural and not indicative of a liar,” says Joseph Buckley, president of John E. Reid & Associates, which has provided interview and interrogation training to more than 500,000 law enforcement agents to date. The company is also the creator of the Reid Technique, a nine-step interrogation process employed by many U.S. law enforcement agencies.

Liars are often reluctant to admit ordinary storytelling mistakes. When honest people tell stories, they may realize partway through that they left out some details and would unselfconsciously backtrack to fill in holes. They also may realize a previous statement wasn’t quite right, and go back and explain further. Liars, on the other hand, “are worried that someone might catch them in a lie and are reluctant to admit to such ordinary imperfections,” says DePaulo.

Yet another clue: imprecise pronouns. To psychologically distance themselves from a lie, people often pepper their tales with second- and third-person pronouns like “you,” “we” and “they,” says Hancock. Liars are also more likely to ask that questions be repeated and begin responses with phrases like, “to tell you the truth,” and “to be perfectly honest,” says Reid.

When telling the truth, people often make hand gestures to the rhythm of their speech. Hands emphasize points or phrases–a natural and compelling technique when they actually believe the points they’re making. The less certain will keep gesticulations in check, says Hancock.

The mode of communication matters too. Studies show that we are less likely to lie face-to-face than over the phone or the Web. In one week-long study of 30 college students, Hancock observed that the phone was the weapon of choice, enabling 37% of all the lies, versus 27% during face-to-face exchanges, 21% using Instant Messaging and just 14% via e-mail.

Will we ever come clean? Not likely. Guilty stomach knots aside, the subjects in DePaulo’s study confessed that they would tell 75% of the lies again if given the opportunity. Chances are, they’d get away with it.

http://www.forbes.com/2009/05/13/lie-detector-madoff-entrepreneurs-sales-marketing-liar.html?partner=yahoobuzz

It doesn’t pay to cheat on your wife. Straying husbands take note, look what happened to this one. Now the world knows he’s a rat. Stay faithful, if you know what’s good for you.

Hanging around friends who stray makes cheating seem normal and legitimizes it as a possibility. The message he’s subconsciously telling himself: “My friend is a good guy who happens to be cheating on his wife. I guess even the best of us do it.” You can’t simply ban your husband from hanging out with Mr. Wandering Eyes, Neuman says, but you can request that they spend their time together in an environment that offers less temptation, like at a sporting event or a restaurant for lunch rather than at a bar or club. Another strategy: Build your social circle around happily married couples that share your values — it’ll create an environment that supports marriage.

40% of cheating men met the other woman at work.

“Oftentimes the woman he cheats with at the office is someone who praises him, looks up to him, and compliments his efforts,” Neuman says. “That’s another reason why it’s so critical that he feel valued at home.” Luckily, there’s a clear warning sign that your husband is getting a little too cozy with a colleague: If he praises or mentions the name of a female coworker more than he would a male counterpart, your antennae should go up — and it’s time for the two of you to set boundaries about what is and isn’t okay at work, Neuman says. Is it acceptable for him to work late if it’s only him and her? Can they travel together to conferences? Have dinners out to discuss a project? Ask him what he’d feel comfortable with you doing with a male colleague.

Only 12% of cheating men said their mistress was more physically attractive than their wife.

In most cases, he’s cheating to fill an emotional void,” Neuman says. “He feels a connection with the other woman, and physical intimacy comes along for the ride.” If you’re worried about infidelity, focus on making your relationship more loving and connected, not on getting your body just right or mastering how to please him physically. (But know that physical intimacy does matter — it’s one of the key ways your guy expresses his love and feels close to you, so be sure to keep it a priority.)

Only 6% of cheating men had physical intimacy with a woman after meeting her that same day or night.

Actually, 73 percent of men got to know the other woman for more than a month before they cheated. This means that you may have time to see the warning signs before infidelity occurs — you might even see it coming before he does. Keep an eye out for these common signals: He spends more time away from home, stops asking for physical intimacy, picks fights more frequently, or avoids your calls. Your gut reaction may be to confront him, but most men will deny even thinking about cheating, especially if nothing physical has occurred yet. Instead, Neuman suggests, take charge of what you can control — your own behavior — and take the lead in bringing your relationship to a better place. Don’t hesitate to show your appreciation for him, prioritize time together, and initiate affection more. Give him a reason to keep you at the front of his mind, Neuman says. And be open about how you feel about what’s going on between the two of you (again, without mentioning any third parties). Try “I think we’ve started to lose something important in our relationship, and I don’t want it to disappear.” In the meantime, commit to keeping tabs on your relationship and doing what it takes to keep it working for you.

Article: Hearst Communications, Inc.
Picture: http://www.lifeisajoke.com

Most people lie to their partners or spouses at least occasionally. Since lying (especially when it becomes habitual) can have such a detrimental impact on your relationship, it’s important to understand the reasons why you might lie and how to overcome the need to lie.

In the workshops I conduct for couples, I often ask if anyone has ever lied to their partner (the couples respond anonymously). Usually more than half (sometimes as many as 90%) admit to having lied to their spouse or partner at some point.

More than half the people who said they lied to their partner also reported that the lying had a negative impact on their marriage or relationship. Since lying can have such a detrimental impact on your relationship, it’s important to understand the reasons why you might lie and how to overcome the need to lie.

7 reasons why lying can creep into your relationship:

1. Self-esteem lies. Some people lie to bolster feelings of self-importance. In this case you might lie to your partner about your achievements and accomplishments. Your goal is to look good in the eyes of your partner (and others). At its extreme, deep-seated feelings of inadequacy can lead you to become a chronic liar.

2. Avoidance lies. The motivation for this type of lie is to avoid your partner’s reaction– such as disappointment or anger. You may feel that it’s easier to lie rather than experience/endure your partner’s emotional reaction. You may be someone who has considerable difficulty tolerating any perceived negative reaction. At its worst, your deceit is self-serving and hides relationship-damaging behaviors (e.g., an affair).

3. Self-denial lies. People lie to themselves all the time. It’s a form of denial–refusing to accept a reality that is too painful. All you have to do is watch American Idol to realize that this kind of self-deception is alive and well. People with absolutely no vocal ability refuse to accept the judges’ critical (and often harsh) feedback. Instead, they proclaim that they are excellent singers and will someday be wildly famous. Self-denial lies stand in the way of the openness needed for intimacy to grow in your relationship.

4. Hide-and-Seek lies. The impetus here is to hide parts of yourself from the world. Painful life experiences have caused you to feel unworthy of love to such a degree that you feel it is necessary to lie about yourself or your experiences. When you feel exposed, feelings of shame overcome you and act as a powerful motivator to hide from others (including your partner).

5. Saving-Face lies. While closely related to avoidance lies, saving-face lies are created to help you cover up your original lie. When it starts to become apparent to your spouse or partner that you’ve lied, you concoct a web of more lies to avoid the embarrassment and repercussions of having lied in the first place. This is one reason lies can quickly multiply.

6. The Compassionate lie. Sometimes the motivation to lie is altruistic–you don’t want your partner to get hurt. In this instance, you’re not protecting your partner from something that you’ve done that might be hurtful to him/her. Rather, you’re trying to shield your partner from something you discovered (e.g., you overheard a neighbor say he doesn’t like your wife) or an opinion that you believe would be upsetting (your wife asks if you like her new haircut and despite her uncanny resemblance to one of the Three Stooges, you respond with a definitive, “I love it!”).

7. The Spiteful lie. In this case lies are used as weapons to hurt someone. Schoolchildren often do this, fabricating rumors that are designed to put down others. In social settings such as school this is sometimes done to ostracize someone from a peer group while solidifying the liar’s position in the group. When this occurs in a marriage or relationship, it’s usually when anger is at an all-time high or the relationship is being dissolved. It’s less common for this type of lie to occur while the couple is committed to a future together, although some couples do report “fighting dirty” and saying hurtful, untrue things while they argue.

If you’ve lied to your partner recently, feel the urge to lie, or if lying has been a problem for you in general, begin to question your motivation for spinning these tales. Check your reasons with the list above to gain further clarity. It’s obviously best that your relationship be built on a foundation of honesty. Honesty is the backbone of trust–once trust is compromised, your relationship can begin to spiral out of control. But the reality is that many partners do end up lying to one another, and while your motivation to lie might be benign, lies seem to have a viral-like capacity to spread. Have you ever noticed that once you’ve gotten away with a lie or two, it seems to get easier to lie in the future?

Be aware of that fact and of the reasons you may lie, and you take the first important steps toward a healthier, more honest relationship.

Picture: http://www.afunworld.com
Article: Richard Nicastro
Link: http://www.buzzle.com/articles/tell-me-no-lies-7-reasons-why-you-might-lie-to-your-partner.html

Let’s face it. We all lie. In fact, it is estimated that the average person lies three times in a ten-minute conversation. Can you tell if someone is lying to you?

“Lie to Me,” the new drama from FOX (Weds at 9pm ET) about a “deception expert” (Tim Roth), pulls from the real-life research of Dr. Paul Ekman. Dr. Ekman has been studying nonverbal behavior and the act of deceit for several decades and in 2001 was named one of the most influential psychologists of the 20th century. Dr. Ekman believes that certain nonverbal emotional responses are universal (including facial expressions and body language) and can telegraph someone’s true feelings.

A micro-expression is just one way to detect a lie. A micro-expression occurs when people are deliberately concealing (or subconsciously blocking) how they really feel. While most facial expressions last for two to three seconds, a micro-expression lasts 1/25th of a second. Check out these photos that illustrate the micro-expressions as defined by Dr. Ekman.

According to a “Lie to Me” booklet that arrived in my mailbox recently, there are also verbal indicators that can tip off a person’s real feelings.

  • Pitch Increase: A higher pitch than normal indicates a negative emotion (probably anger or fear).
  • Pitch Decrease: A lower than normal pitch indicates a negative emotion (probably sadness, guilt or shame).
  • Long or Frequent Pauses: Taking longer or more frequent pauses in conversation could indicate someone is lying or being cautious.
  • Speech Error Increase: Stuttering, stammering, partial words, non-words and repetitions can indicate negative emotion (most likely fear).

If lie detection is something that you want to learn more about, I recommend reading Dr. Ekman’s book Telling Lies. Also, the official site for “Lie to Me” will be updated with information and fun tests that you’ll be able to take.

Author: Andrea Engstrom
Source: Yahoo TV Blog
Link: http://tv.yahoo.com/blog/how-to-spot-a-lie–87


October 2017
M T W T F S S
« Mar    
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031  

Categories

Blog Stats

  • 298,307 hits