Thoughts To Live By…

Posts Tagged ‘Deceit

It doesn’t pay to cheat on your wife. Straying husbands take note, look what happened to this one. Now the world knows he’s a rat. Stay faithful, if you know what’s good for you.

Hanging around friends who stray makes cheating seem normal and legitimizes it as a possibility. The message he’s subconsciously telling himself: “My friend is a good guy who happens to be cheating on his wife. I guess even the best of us do it.” You can’t simply ban your husband from hanging out with Mr. Wandering Eyes, Neuman says, but you can request that they spend their time together in an environment that offers less temptation, like at a sporting event or a restaurant for lunch rather than at a bar or club. Another strategy: Build your social circle around happily married couples that share your values — it’ll create an environment that supports marriage.

40% of cheating men met the other woman at work.

“Oftentimes the woman he cheats with at the office is someone who praises him, looks up to him, and compliments his efforts,” Neuman says. “That’s another reason why it’s so critical that he feel valued at home.” Luckily, there’s a clear warning sign that your husband is getting a little too cozy with a colleague: If he praises or mentions the name of a female coworker more than he would a male counterpart, your antennae should go up — and it’s time for the two of you to set boundaries about what is and isn’t okay at work, Neuman says. Is it acceptable for him to work late if it’s only him and her? Can they travel together to conferences? Have dinners out to discuss a project? Ask him what he’d feel comfortable with you doing with a male colleague.

Only 12% of cheating men said their mistress was more physically attractive than their wife.

In most cases, he’s cheating to fill an emotional void,” Neuman says. “He feels a connection with the other woman, and physical intimacy comes along for the ride.” If you’re worried about infidelity, focus on making your relationship more loving and connected, not on getting your body just right or mastering how to please him physically. (But know that physical intimacy does matter — it’s one of the key ways your guy expresses his love and feels close to you, so be sure to keep it a priority.)

Only 6% of cheating men had physical intimacy with a woman after meeting her that same day or night.

Actually, 73 percent of men got to know the other woman for more than a month before they cheated. This means that you may have time to see the warning signs before infidelity occurs — you might even see it coming before he does. Keep an eye out for these common signals: He spends more time away from home, stops asking for physical intimacy, picks fights more frequently, or avoids your calls. Your gut reaction may be to confront him, but most men will deny even thinking about cheating, especially if nothing physical has occurred yet. Instead, Neuman suggests, take charge of what you can control — your own behavior — and take the lead in bringing your relationship to a better place. Don’t hesitate to show your appreciation for him, prioritize time together, and initiate affection more. Give him a reason to keep you at the front of his mind, Neuman says. And be open about how you feel about what’s going on between the two of you (again, without mentioning any third parties). Try “I think we’ve started to lose something important in our relationship, and I don’t want it to disappear.” In the meantime, commit to keeping tabs on your relationship and doing what it takes to keep it working for you.

Article: Hearst Communications, Inc.

Let’s face it. We all lie. In fact, it is estimated that the average person lies three times in a ten-minute conversation. Can you tell if someone is lying to you?

“Lie to Me,” the new drama from FOX (Weds at 9pm ET) about a “deception expert” (Tim Roth), pulls from the real-life research of Dr. Paul Ekman. Dr. Ekman has been studying nonverbal behavior and the act of deceit for several decades and in 2001 was named one of the most influential psychologists of the 20th century. Dr. Ekman believes that certain nonverbal emotional responses are universal (including facial expressions and body language) and can telegraph someone’s true feelings.

A micro-expression is just one way to detect a lie. A micro-expression occurs when people are deliberately concealing (or subconsciously blocking) how they really feel. While most facial expressions last for two to three seconds, a micro-expression lasts 1/25th of a second. Check out these photos that illustrate the micro-expressions as defined by Dr. Ekman.

According to a “Lie to Me” booklet that arrived in my mailbox recently, there are also verbal indicators that can tip off a person’s real feelings.

  • Pitch Increase: A higher pitch than normal indicates a negative emotion (probably anger or fear).
  • Pitch Decrease: A lower than normal pitch indicates a negative emotion (probably sadness, guilt or shame).
  • Long or Frequent Pauses: Taking longer or more frequent pauses in conversation could indicate someone is lying or being cautious.
  • Speech Error Increase: Stuttering, stammering, partial words, non-words and repetitions can indicate negative emotion (most likely fear).

If lie detection is something that you want to learn more about, I recommend reading Dr. Ekman’s book Telling Lies. Also, the official site for “Lie to Me” will be updated with information and fun tests that you’ll be able to take.

Author: Andrea Engstrom
Source: Yahoo TV Blog

December 2019
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